the beginning, not the end

In October of 2006 I finally went to the doctor. After more than a year struggling to regain any semblance of my former running self, it was time to admit something might be wrong. Despite struggling through my entire planned marathon training program, I had just finished my first marathon in 4 hours and 38 minutes. Despite all of my training efforts, I didn't feel any fitness gains. If I was honest with myself, I felt like training was making me worse.
"That just can't be the case", I told myself, "I'm just doing something wrong."

It happened so gradually. That was my excuse and it's very true. It's easy to look back now and wonder how I could have let it get so bad. I was miserable. I was mean all the time, tired all the time, and never particularly happy. My relationship was deteriorating rapidly. I could barely stand to be around myself, how could I expect anyone else to put up with me?

I didn't expect the doctor to find anything. I told them I was just there to rule out something drastic like cancer. When they asked if I'd been depressed or having emotional distress I almost broke down in tears. And then I shook my head no. I wear denial well.

They drew some blood, gave me some vitamins and nutrition suggestions and said they'd be in touch.

Two days later I had an excited message from the doctor. He knew what the problem was and it was easy to fix. I was anemic in a big, almost ridiculous way. My ferritin came back at zero point nine. The few red blood cells I did have were small, ill-formed and lonely.

But hey, I just needed iron, how hard can that be, right? Take some pills, eat different foods? I could deal with that.

It's difficult to describe the sense of relief I felt that something was physically, quantifiably wrong with me. I wasn't just a grumpy, unhappy jerk after all! There was a reason I had become that way!

Little did I know that my health would not be repaired just by taking supplements and using a cast iron pan. That day I thought I had arrived at the end of a big mystery. I thought I had finally figure out whodunit.

Turns out, it was just the first day of a long journey, fraught with ups and downs and twists and turns. My intent with this blog is to offer up the story of these past few years, with what worked, what didn't work, and what I continue to work on, in the hope that anyone else dealing with the same issues might find some comfort, ideas, and resources to figure out what will work for them.

I'm not a doctor, nor an expert, but I have now been through the ringer on iron-related issues. I hope sharing those experiences will be beneficial, but of course everyone is different. That's one thing I've learned many times over. In the end you have to figure out what works for you.